Returning to Singapore after a nearly four-year absence was quite an eye-opener.

In a few weeks, I think I’ve received more dirty looks than in the past three-plus years here in the United States. That’s including several trips to New York City and a trip to the mudflats of Oklahoma. When did this whole dirty look blitzkrieg begin?

The rudeness was somewhat refreshing, much in the way chowing down fifteen wasabi peanuts is refreshing. I had forgotten the brusque style of speech that is quaint in its minimalistic approach to communication, eschewing courtesies, pleasantries or small talk (of the 客套话 variety), and correct English grammar; even, it seemed to me, punctuation. “Ex-kew me tis one how much AAARRH?” - the staccatoed, clipped, tonalized sentences are so much terser, more information packed than the typical Midwestern exchange: “Hey, how’s it going? Kinduva cold day isn’t it? I really like the olive-green faux cashmere rug you have. Yeah, that one right there. I was wondering how much you were selling that for.” Or even a generic conversation in other Chinese communities for that matter: “嗨…不好意思,请问这 件怎么卖呢?” You may scoff that such concerns are trivial, but the whole point of etiquette and manners is to lubricate the wheels of society; any etiquette class worth its registration fee will tell you that. Take them away and it wears society thin.

I was vividly reminded of this each time I bumped into some random person along Orchard Road and went “Oh, I’m so sorry!” Often, all I got back was a pseudo-dirty look that seemed to convey wau-lau-knn-hit-me-for-what-but-at-least-you-said-sorry-so-i-wun-argue-with-you-now-i-have-better-things-to-do as they careened off toward various unknown destinations. Even so, sometimes I would get a look of cognitive dissonance that said thats-weird-someone-actually-sorry?? that made me bite my lips, not knowing whether to laugh or cry.

I hate to be sexist, but girls in their late teens were by far the rudest demographic that I’d encountered. Why do so many of them behave as if that the world has to bow down to them? Gee, I’m sorry that I didn’t throw my coat over a puddle in your way, Your Royal Highness. No, the world doesn’t owe you any favors if Orchard Road runs out of hot pink handphone attachés. And please stop spouting feminist Nazi-esque dreams of unconditional male servitude, ‘cos yo’ sure a hollaback girl, girl.

Singaporean drivers exhibit a special breed of rudeness in themselves. O.M.F.G. people! just because you are driving a Jaguar doesn’t mean you are entitled to drive the wrong way in a shopping center’s parking lot. Just because you see an empty parking lot doesn’t automatically give you the right to speed at 90 km/h through crowded lanes and throughfares going against the flow of traffic to beat other people to it, then give people dirty looks when you don’t get it. And hasn’t anyone heard of using turn signals?? People complain about Bay area drivers being rude, giving only approximately two seconds’ notice before changing lanes, but in Singapore it’s more like 0.2 seconds’ notice. I suppose that’s to preempt other drivers from speeding up and cutting off one’s access to an adjacent lane. I won’t even get started on that.

An ah ma I helped chope a seat for on the MRT as she was boarding (and thus earning me many dirty looks from several SACSAL-types) whispered in my ear: “You don’t have to be so nice. People nowadays aren’t.”

She earns $280 a month from selling tissue paper. It was the least I could do.