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AkikonomuReturning to Singapore after a nearly four-year absence was quite an eye-opener.
In a few weeks, I think I’ve received more dirty looks than in the past three-plus years here in the United States. That’s including several trips to New York City and a trip to the mudflats of Oklahoma. When did this whole dirty look blitzkrieg begin?
The rudeness was somewhat refreshing, much in the way chowing down fifteen wasabi peanuts is refreshing. I had forgotten the brusque style of speech that is quaint in its minimalistic approach to communication, eschewing courtesies, pleasantries or small talk (of the 客套话 variety), and correct English grammar; even, it seemed to me, punctuation. “Ex-kew me tis one how much AAARRH?” - the staccatoed, clipped, tonalized sentences are so much terser, more information packed than the typical Midwestern exchange: “Hey, how’s it going? Kinduva cold day isn’t it? I really like the olive-green faux cashmere rug you have. Yeah, that one right there. I was wondering how much you were selling that for.” Or even a generic conversation in other Chinese communities for that matter: “嗨…不好意思,请问这 件怎么卖呢?” You may scoff that such concerns are trivial, but the whole point of etiquette and manners is to lubricate the wheels of society; any etiquette class worth its registration fee will tell you that. Take them away and it wears society thin.
I was vividly reminded of this each time I bumped into some random person along Orchard Road and went “Oh, I’m so sorry!” Often, all I got back was a pseudo-dirty look that seemed to convey wau-lau-knn-hit-me-for-what-but-at-least-you-said-sorry-so-i-wun-argue-with-you-now-i-have-better-things-to-do as they careened off toward various unknown destinations. Even so, sometimes I would get a look of cognitive dissonance that said thats-weird-someone-actually-sorry?? that made me bite my lips, not knowing whether to laugh or cry.
I hate to be sexist, but girls in their late teens were by far the rudest demographic that I’d encountered. Why do so many of them behave as if that the world has to bow down to them? Gee, I’m sorry that I didn’t throw my coat over a puddle in your way, Your Royal Highness. No, the world doesn’t owe you any favors if Orchard Road runs out of hot pink handphone attachés. And please stop spouting feminist Nazi-esque dreams of unconditional male servitude, ‘cos yo’ sure a hollaback girl, girl.
Singaporean drivers exhibit a special breed of rudeness in themselves. O.M.F.G. people! just because you are driving a Jaguar doesn’t mean you are entitled to drive the wrong way in a shopping center’s parking lot. Just because you see an empty parking lot doesn’t automatically give you the right to speed at 90 km/h through crowded lanes and throughfares going against the flow of traffic to beat other people to it, then give people dirty looks when you don’t get it. And hasn’t anyone heard of using turn signals?? People complain about Bay area drivers being rude, giving only approximately two seconds’ notice before changing lanes, but in Singapore it’s more like 0.2 seconds’ notice. I suppose that’s to preempt other drivers from speeding up and cutting off one’s access to an adjacent lane. I won’t even get started on that.
An ah ma I helped chope a seat for on the MRT as she was boarding (and thus earning me many dirty looks from several SACSAL-types) whispered in my ear: “You don’t have to be so nice. People nowadays aren’t.”
She earns $280 a month from selling tissue paper. It was the least I could do.
Yeah man, I forgot what it was like to drive in Singapore too. Rude drivers who speed up and shoot past by you when you want to change lanes, crawling traffic (the roads seem to be so much more crowded now) and dirty looks thrown at you when you switch lanes.
In contrast, drivers in Baltimore give way almost immediately when you’ve switched on your turn signal!
It’s not sexist if it’s true (if not, go ahead and call me sexist, racist, homophobic etc!)
But yeah, Singaporean girls suck (damn SACSALs!)
I think people are the same everywhere these days.
You don’t have to criticize Singaporeans. In (Southern) California, there are also many rude drivers. What is a turning signal here? People changes lane without turning signal (using cell phone/watching TV) at the same time. Also, just a few weeks ago, a women drove into a parking lot I waited for 2 minutes outside Whole Food (eating organic food does not make one more civilized). During Christmas holiday, I was given the finger with no particular reason on the freeway to SF. Come to CA after you graduate and get the CA culture shock
Just out of curiousity, why did you bother to come back to Singapore anyway? It’s obvious you are a misfit in our society.
shen, that’s maybe because so many Asians live in southern California. Am I a racist if I am talking about my own race? hehehe
You are absolutely right! Though i must say you probably had a string of bad luck, since I don’t find myself at the receiving end of that many dirty looks. Or maybe i’m just oblivious to them… My partner is constantly swearing at ‘those self-possessed bitches’, while i just pocket my hands and whistle… =P
But Singaporean drivers are one of a kind! And the worrying thing is i find myself morphing into one of them! *Gasp!* Well it’s largely my own impatient fault, but in small part because our roads are getting so very congested these days, and it’ll take me forever to get anywhere if i don’t elbow my way a bit. As they say, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em! Though i try not to lar haha…
you’re so right about singapore being quite the uncivilised place. there’s also the people that don’t want to move to the middle of the train in the morning when it’s jammed packed with damp hir and morning breath cos they’re scared to lose your place.
and what abt the drivers that deliberately speed up when you indicate that you want to change lanes? Seriously sad.!
hmm perhaps we are too harsh on ourselves. I had lived in Maryland previously and am now living in Boston. The T subway here isn’t any better. You get hordes of people trying to hitch a free ride and hardly anyone moves to the center of the train. And you think drivers are rude in Singapore? Try driving on the capital beltway 495 to 270 in the evenings.
Come on, humans suck in general.
Some would argue that the minimalist approach to communication is the most efficient…
As a point of argument against verbal pleasantries, I would offer that my personal experience with the fabled “Minnesota Nice” has often been that there is little sincerity behind the “how are yous” and “have a nice days”. I’ve found, on many occasions, that it doesn’t extend beyond a very superficial interest in my general well-being.
My ten-year anniversary of absence from Singapore has been and gone, but I can safely say that all the behaviour and lack of etiquette you described was there over 10 years ago. Singapore has always had a very direct, blunty spoken population despite the facade of Asian politeness.
Having said that, the other cities I’ve lived in (Edinburgh and Los Angeles) have their fair share of awfully rude teenage girls, selfish and dangerous drivers, and young people with a feeling of unearned “entitlement”.
So, I don’t think it’s strictly a new level of awfulness or lack of etiquette in Singaporeans. Maybe the four years away tinted your glasses somewhat… (Heck, all I can see is laksa.)
Since when did feminism seek unconditional male servitude? I can’t think of any women I know who are less feminist than the type of girl you are referring you.
Sorry, “referring to”.
Feminazi /= feminist
In any case, if feminism so diverse, such a breed of feminists can’t be ruled out.
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Gabriel, since I identify with the word, I obviously would like people to strive to associate it with its best incarnations - which I think also happens to be the people who most prominently self-identify as feminist and work on expressly feminist causes. It’s highly unlikely those women self-identify as feminist, and it’s simply untrue that the vast majority of women who do so self-identify, and who proactively engage in collective and individual action in its name, would regard “unconditional male servitude” as a part of their agenda. And as a matter of fact, the people who are commonly dubbed “Feminazis” are also the least likely in the world to be asking for “unconditional male servitude” in the form of spineless chivalry. I am, in part, asking Jiahao to consider this, because my stake is in advancing the forms of feminism that I do consider valuable. What is your stake, and why do you want feminism to be associated primarily with its most loopy minority elements, and also to have the most loopy minority elements confused with the bulk of the movement? One has to wonder.
“It’s highly unlikely those women self-identify as feminist” — by “those women” I mean the ones Jiahao is describing, apologies for lack of clarity.
Perhaps that should have been “feminist-Nazi-esque”, with both hyphens. In general, I have no problem with feminists, just people who think they are feminists but actually just want some impossible combination of male fawning and female power.
shen:
Most Americans outside SoCal that I’ve interacted with think that SoCal harbors its own special breed of crazy.
Also, most Americans outside California that I’ve interacted with think that CA harbors its own special breed of crazy.
I’ve driven in the Bay Area some. As I’ve mentioned, my experience is that Bay Area drivers are rude in general, but they are better than Singaporeans in quite a few ways. I haven’t had anyone speed up to cut me off in the Bay Area, and there isn’t that battle-of-whose-car-is-more-expensive feel to lane crossings that I get in Singapore. To me that’s a distinct qualitative distinction to rank Singapore drivers as the worse group.
Lenonard:
Why indeed? that humans retain irrational emotional attachments to places they’ve been in for a long time, forcibly or otherwise. Stockholm syndrome, perhaps? And what does it say when Singaporeans appear to enjoy haranguing Other Singaporeans for being rude?
yogi:
You must be very brave to drive in Boston. I haven’t mustered up the courage to drive in Greater Boston since the time I was almost flattened while crossing the street in front of an SUV that was oblivious to the red lights in front of her on Mass Ave outside MIT.
One of the nice things about attending a school which is relatively in the middle of nowhere is that it gives one a really good sense of Middle America, especially the large subset that lives in smallish cities surrounded by lots of nothing. My experience is that people in Middle America are super-nice when it comes to driving and signaling.
felumpfus:
I agree that in the Midwest, people are friendlier in a superficial manner. But yet when Taiwanese employ 客套话, it tends to be very natural and soothing, and hence to me very successful. One could say something similar about the Japanese, but that’s before you dig down and discover the xenophobia.
akatsuki:
Ten years ago my teachers were telling me to sit down, hand in my homework and study for my exams. Ten years ago I was quite probably (and probably still am) a young person with an unreasonable sense of entitlement. It’s quite amazing what ten years can do to a person.
Relative to my imperfect memory of 1997-8, nothing seems to have improved in 2007-8; in fact, many things seem worse off. I’m quite disturbed that there isn’t any progress…
At least in Edinburgh and LA, the “awfully rude teenage girls” at least have a higher probability of not being in one’s immediate sensory region, and thus engender less annoyance.
Strangely enough, I didn’t miss Singapore food so much this time round. I think it’s because I’ve been cooking these past few years.
I know what you mean - “girl power” garbage. Perhaps “faux feminist” is the best term?
The minimalist approach to communication in SG is not limited to speech, as I learned today. It extends to email as well.
Ask a question and you get the standard website answer. Ask a follow up question, you get the website answer but with a sentence added to show that a human being actually answered the question. Follow-up to clarify the follow-up question, and you get the first answer, but cc-ed to bosses.
I spent the better part of my afternoon banging my head against the wall because of this. After about 5 emails from the other side, I decided I had enough, and wondered if I was better off if they never replied. At least I wouldn’t question my communication skills so much.
Some interesting convergence in topics here.